Disappointment is a 4 letter word

When I think about moving, or any big change or plan for that matter, I pick it to random pieces so that I can digest it better.  I almost always find all the negative first, especially if I don't like the change/plan.  My husband will attest that this is not my most attractive trait.  My ability to be so negative for what can seem like no reason truly takes the joy out of most things.  It's a defense mechanism honed after years of being disappointed.  If you don't like something, you can't be disappointed if it doesn't happen, if you don't like someone, your feelings can't be hurt when they don't like you, etc.  We didn't have much growing up and I was a dork with an overbite so my ability to shut disappointment out helped me greatly or at least it helped me not be disappointed in public.  Those disappointments never went away.  All the parties I wasn't invited to or no one showed up for, all the events we never got to go to because we didn't have money, or the extracurricular activities we couldn't be a part of.... I am not throwing a pity party, just trying to relate where this need to hate every plan or activity comes from.  Now, this is where this behavior has created a problem.  I am 29, my husband makes ok money (call your congressman and change that), I have a home, a car, all of those types of things, but I never do anything!  I find an excuse or reason to avoid doing everything, and not because I don't want to or don't think I'll like it,  But because I am terrified of disappointment!!  I settle for so many things because disappointment is what I've decided to accept.  So, because I don't speak up, I get disappointed.  It's a vicious cycle. One I need to stop.  I want to be a Yes-Man!  I want to do stuff.  I want people to call me and know I'm up for anything.  How do I do that?!  I emplore(sp) you to help me!!!   I will shoot down all of your ideas because that is what I do.  I always look for the weak spot in every plan.  I have built such a wall against disappointment that I never expect anything... and I never plan anything either.

So, from here, I will list the reasons that I am excited about our move (in no particular order)
1. The Hackmans
2. Roller Derby.
3. Possibly snowboarding
4. Experiencing a different culture
5. Having my kids close to grandparents
6. Less bugs?
7. Can you tell I'm grasping here?
I can assure you the other list is way longer.  I won't put it on here because I am trying to open my mind to possibilities.  Please, take this as a step in a positive direction and don't look at how few items are on my list.  I am trying.  I feel impending doom and I'm nervous.