My Sister Wife, The Army

    What is a marriage anyway?  I guess the main difference between a committed couple and a married couple is a certificate from the county clerk's office.   But they don't ever ask how many children you both want or where you plan to buy your first home.  They never ask who's career will be more important.  The clerk doesn't have a checklist.  Just a questionnaire to help prove you're not related or still married to someone else.
      Why do I care about any of this?  Because I feel the difference is promises.  A boyfriend may promise to love you forever but he does it in private.  A husband, tells everyone, including God and your county clerk that he wants you and only you until the contract becomes null and void (i.e. til death do us part)  Or until someone breaks that legal agreement.  More often than not it's the latter.

      I married a man in the military.  A man who already had a contract with someone else.  Someone who is, in essence, already a married man.  Am I a homewrecker or a homemaker?  I keep trying to get around this bureaucracy but I am feeling that they are winning.  While a lot of guys can take a sick day, mine can not.  Vacation, that's a no too.  And all of these random and inconvenient things have become a part of our everyday life.  A series of challenges we must face every day.  So, in my particular case, while he's out learning to fly, I'm figuring out Tricare and on-post childcare.  While he's wearing a clean, crisp uniform, I'm in stained pajamas.  While he's navigating a flight path, I'm negotiating with a 2 yr old about the importance of eating lunch.  All of this, in both of our cases, is so we can be home with our family and make the world a little better.

      People don't understand that having your husband home late or not at all is a way of life.  They some how begrudge it, wives included.  I was pretty spoiled by the fact that I met my husband when he was stationed just an hour away from my hometown, not his or ours.  Most women meet their military spouse in high school or in the place they both grew up.  I imagine that that scenario can be quite convenient when visiting grandparents.  But it's not the case with us.  Not to mention, when we got married we weren't aware of what having kids would do to change those feelings. 
       Kids are a game changer. Period.  Any traveling you did before, any friends you hung out with, any restaurants or bars you went to, that is all out the window.  Those places and things become like DisneyLand for you.  So, visiting the in-laws takes on a whole 'nother level of difficulty if you have to, *gasp*, take an airplane or worse, drive for 5 days!!  It's a lot of work and things come up with kids that make having your spouse deployed that much more difficult.  Because you're dealing with your grief and your childrens'.  And theirs' will not be as clean and precise as yours, they will pick the worst time ever to miss Daddy!  Like, at the grocery store or in the middle of your sister's wedding.  Children don't understand what is socially acceptable.  They act the way we wish we could when things are stressful.  They haven't learned how to hide disappointment, frustration, and anger.  They throw themselves on the ground and cry and kick and scream.
 

       We may not always get along but the Army is my Sister Wife.  She's the boundary line, the bread-winner, the complicater, and the glue.